Leadership

Anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.

I borrowed this beautiful definition of leadership from Brene’ Brown’s website. Brene’ Brown is one of my true Gurus. Her research on vulnerability, leadership, whole hearted living, and shame is life changing. If you have not yet had any experience with Brene’ and her work, check out her wildly popular Ted Talk on vulnerability, from nine years ago and with over 13 million views: https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o. Then get everything possible she has written, spoken about, published, or shared, and take it ALL in, you will grow, open, and learn. Brene’ is raw, real, funny as hell, and super smart. Brene’ is someone I would totally love to hang out with, AND she is 24 years sober! WOW. But that isn’t the main reason you should hear her speak or follow her wisdom. Her research on endless aspects of our Universal characteristics as Human Beings has the ability to change our hurting world in really BIG ways. She is an Agent of Change. I consider myself an Agent of Change too. We share the same big challenge – spreading positivity, vulnerability, kindness rather than hate, love rather than fear, smiles rather than frowns. Brene’ is an outstanding teacher, one of my all time favorites. Check her out!

On shame: I was raised by a very loving mother who I’m sure adored me. Along with the love, I believe Mom wanted me to become all she had fallen short of becoming in her own life. She did not hesitate to make that known to me by comments here and there, reactions to anything she considered unacceptable behavior or me falling short of some hope she had for me, what I think she believed was a reflection on her as a mother. Some of the criticisms she made of me, some of the feelings she verbalized to me, some of her actions, created decades-long wounds and hurts. I have forgiven her, I think. Maybe I need to work harder on that one! Or maybe I need to forgive myself more. At any rate, the shame I felt ran deep and stayed with me for most of my life, until I was determined to heal.

When we carry shame in our hearts and souls, we start believing we are flawed. There isn’t too much in the world more painful than believing we are not worthy, not good enough, not valued. From there, we believe we do not deserve love, belonging, or much of anything positive. We beat ourselves up, practice horrific negative self-talk, and carry on as though we hate ourselves. It’s time to STOP THAT and learn how to let go of any shame we have carried or passed along, perhaps unknowingly, to others. It is time we stop the toxic flow of passing these wounds from generation to generation. It is time for healing. NOW.

Someone very dear to me pointed out recently that I have a way of saying things that can be shaming to a person, or at least that she has felt it from me, directed toward another. OUCH! That is the last thing I ever want to do as a messenger of light and love – but we practice what we know! This is making me look at why I interpret some things as shaming. It is all coming together for me now! I am understanding why I am hyper sensitive to shame. I grew up receiving criticism and shame, and no doubt I passed it right along to my precious children and mates, like brushing gnats away, or flicking lint off a pair of pants. My shame ran deep and has taken many years to heal. Our world is filled with negativity and hatred these days, so much separation and division. It is time to take a stand for love and kindness. As each of us becomes more aware of what we say, and how we say it, and as we choose to take responsibility in how we affect others with our words, actions, and physical expressions, we can start healing ourselves – and ultimately our world. There is so much at stake, so many reasons to learn to forgive ourselves, understand ourselves, and love ourselves so we can become our best selves in all our relationships. Whether you choose sobriety or not, please take some time to get to know yourself, forgive yourself for all imagined wrongs, work on your stuff, stop blaming others for your predicament in life, and stand up for impeccability. Life is short, and our planet is slowly dying a painful death. Let us each make a difference today with the choice to be kind, loving, happy. Regardless of your political, religious, or righteous stands, opinions-be the nicest, most impeccable form of yourself today. Be your best self! THAT will be contagious, watch and see. Do something unexpected to make someone else’s day. I promise it will come back to you!

Published by Judes

After working decades in Hospitality and businesses related to drinking, I am making the choice to become sober. Here are my musings on the adventure. Thank you for being here with me!

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