The Breakup

…a letter to my “Ex”

Dear Alcohol,

Over three decades of loyalty to you and now I see those years were filled with lies, deception, grief and despair. You came wrapped in pretty packaging, The Temptress. I thought being a wine connoisseur and so steeped in your culture and romance meant I could enjoy you without fear of going too far. Now I know better. I’m done. No longer will I turn to you for solace. No longer will I call you friend. Our affair is over, I am moving on.

Although we have been steadfast companions for so many years, your presence has unraveled me. I used to think you were my favorite playmate, my reason for fun, and laughter, my friend. You made me the life of the party, the quintessential host. My friends knew being with me probably included you, and a really good time. 

But now I have learned all those years we spent together brought me quite the opposite. You have been cunning and clever, calling to me in sorrow, when I felt desperate and wanting to escape. How could I beat these emotions without you by my side? You were there for me when I felt joy, you were always part of every celebration. We have laughed and cried together. I have given you second chances too many times to count. You were two faced, promising happiness but instead causing grief. I asked you to back off but you wanted more of me. I felt your influence overwhelm me and drag me down, but I couldn’t resist you, you had such a hold on me. 

You have caused so much pain in my life, stealing my vitality and my inspiration. Because of you I have hardly made it out of bed some days. The light inside me dimmed because you dimmed it. My life became so difficult with you in it. I knew we had to go our separate ways.

It is hard to say goodbye, but I must do this. For me. I felt safe with you, isolated from the world in my secret cave. Little did I know how much I was sinking into your lair, believing you would fix everything. You made me forget all my anxiety until it resurfaced with a force at 3AM and I awakened with terror unable to sleep. Everything not right in my life became larger. I couldn’t do the simplest of things, you would remind me they could wait. Everything had to wait because I was worn out, you exhausted me, depleted me.

I used to believe you added great happiness to my life. I used to look to you to find pleasure. I didn’t realize what a venomous beast you are, drawing me to you until I surrender to your evil spell and find myself later, drowning in shame. 

You have undone me. You have won the battle too many times. You could have made me lose everything. I shudder to think how far down I could have gone.

I am wiser now. It’s my turn. I have learned so much about you and now I see who you really are, deceptive, lying, sneaky, alluring, ultimately fatal. I will no longer be your victim. I have decided I am worth living my best life, and that does not include you. I will rise above. I’ve got this. I wish we had never met but I don’t regret all I have learned. Begone you, and never come back around. You are not welcome here.

Goodbye!

Judes

Published by Judes

After working decades in Hospitality and businesses related to drinking, I am making the choice to become sober. Here are my musings on the adventure. Thank you for being here with me!

4 thoughts on “The Breakup

  1. So inspiring. Happy to be at your launch party.
    Fierce as you are…is as fierce as you be,
    This time is different.
    Xxoo
    Your sis
    Terry

    Like

    1. Thank you, Terry, for being such a solid support on this journey and for your kind words!
      Having you along for the ride makes everything better, and if I can provide some inspiration to others, even more wonderful.

      Like

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