Day 50 alcohol free. This is a big milestone for me, I don’t think I have ever gone 50 days alcohol free other than my two pregnancies. That’s a whole lot of years of not giving my body, mind, and spirit a total break from alcohol. A whole lot of years wondering if I have a drinking problem, googling “Am I an Alcoholic?”, “Do I have a problem with alcohol?”, and all those quizzes. I was usually right on the edge when I tallied my score.
I spent a whole lot of years avoiding the thought of my life without wine, cocktails, happy hours, social times with friends, celebrations that included booze. But now the perks of not drinking are far outweighing anything I am missing from alcohol. I have changed the way I view my relationship with alcohol. There were endless trials to moderate my drinking, which worked beautifully at first (only drink on weekends, only drink four days in a row and take two days off, go dry every January), until they didn’t. Alcohol was my best buddy, until it wasn’t.
It was COVID 19 and an overconsumption of alcohol during Shelter at Home orders, while simultaneously experiencing massive anxiety and subsequent depression, that made me realize I had to change or my life could totally end up in the gutter. I knew I had to be willing to stop drinking. Over the year previous I had been watching Annie Grace (This Naked Mind) YouTube videos, along with Craig Beck (Alcohol Lied to Me) and lots of other great sober cheerleaders who were inspiring and taught me to look at alcohol as the issue causing the problem, not to feel myself a failure. That was key for me, learning all the science of alcohol’s effect on all our body systems and distinguishing the truth from all the marketing lies and propaganda of our society. How wrong it is that our society views not drinking alcohol as odd, and imbibing alcohol as normal!
Waking up in the mornings and feeling fresh and bright is a gift. I caught myself in the mirror the other day and was amazed at how bright my eyes are now. I have not lost weight yet even with tons of exercise, but I trust that my body is readjusting and that eventually the weight will easily drop off. When I was drinking the most, I followed the booze with overeating late at night, and not caring what I ate. That piled the pounds on quickly. For me, five extra pounds feels like twenty as I pride myself on being fit and healthy, always active and a lover of many sports. I am looking forward to dropping those extra pounds but I’m not dwelling on them. I am less puffy and bloated. My digestion is improved. I definitely look better. I am really happy and proud of myself. I am trusting myself. I believe in myself because I am DOING this. Everything is working out.